I think my girlfriend is going to leave me. She began to move away coldly, and when I asked her if something was wrong, she just said one syllable like “nothing” or “it’s okay”. I love her very much, but I feel angry at her for signs that she no longer loves me.
I started more exercise in a (probably pathetic) attempt to remind her that there was a fascinating and future, and I did a lot of research on her about what was happening, or in a serious conversation she I try not to bother you. What more can you do? I don’t want to lose her.
Eleanor says: I’ll continue to say two things that are difficult to read. The first is that she may be telling the truth when she doesn’t say anything wrong.Sometimes we convince ourselves that our partner is really dissatisfied with us we is. Last year, millions of us felt physically dull, stuck at work and bored at home. At least it looks like it can be solved that way, so you may be analyzing that complaint as if it came from her.
So think hard about whether to ask, “Are you angry with me?” It’s a way to relieve other feelings. If so, work with her to find a working sedative mechanism. This doesn’t seem to be the case. And I don’t want her to feel like she’s trying to fill the sieve.
Now, the second hard thing. Let’s say you’re right, and she’s tired of you. Then if she wants to leave, she does.
I know it’s not comfort. But that’s at least concrete. Now you are stuck in a place with nothing concrete. Your perception does not match what she is telling you, and you feel she is denying. It’s crazy. So stick to this certainty, even if it hurts. You can’t make someone want you.
It may hurt your heart as much as she does, but it can also be a relief. You can exhale. You can end the pain of trying this dress and its jokes and this personality, hope you keep her staying if you tweak enough variables. can not.
The reason you can’t leave is that her decision to leave doesn’t just react to you. This is difficult to internalize. Consistency seems to require us to feel embarrassed to lose it, as we are so confident in the suffering of early love.
But in reality, all your efforts, changes and appeasement can only contribute to a limited amount of her decisions. The rest has nothing to do with you, such as what she wants in the future, whether she feels the need for reinvention, and whether the closest ticket to the transformational experience is separated from you. It is composed of nothing.
If she goes, losing her is still a terrible sadness. It feels like something has pierced the chest. All you can do is find a way to breathe that won’t hurt. You will mourn the future you have learned that you cannot get. But try to protect your sorrow from the idea that you have learned more. All you have learned is what she wanted. You have not learned about yourself, your value, or your loveliness.
And if you can take a deep breath now and calm down with the knowledge that your best efforts will not stop her leaving-if she really wants-you avoid what many people never do You can: You can avoid prostrating yourself with someone’s feet that no longer care for you.
Ask me a question
Are there any conflicts, crossroads, or dilemmas that need help? Eleanor Gordon-Smith helps you think about life questions and puzzles, big and small. Questions can be anonymous.
I think my girlfriend is going to leave me. What more can I do? | Relationships Source link I think my girlfriend is going to leave me. What more can I do? | Relationships