I spend a stupid amount of time thinking about my appearance. How can I care less? | Leading questions | Life and style

I am a young, traditionally attractive woman. I am happy and confident. I have relationships with wonderful people in my life. I’m doing well in college and I’m excited about my future. Still, despite my immense luck and privilege, I spend stupid time thinking about my appearance. I scrutinize my face and body every day. Even more oppressive is the fear of getting older. I’m always worried about how my appearance shifts as I get older.

I know this is a waste of sexist time. It’s rude to myself, and to all the older women I’m afraid to be. But I can’t seem to shake it. Don’t worry. how?

Eleanor says: First, don’t be too impatient with yourself. Having this prejudice does not waste or empty you. A billion-dollar industry is designed to harness your attention and money for example You know it’s a sexist waste of time.

It may not be an exaggeration to say that appearance is the only measure of a woman, but it is the daughter’s stepping on the scale when she sits at the edge of the bath and sees her mother putting on makeup. Only a few cycles. Most of us have spent tragic time-anyway-disappointed and staring at the only body we have ever had.

I love the way you say it-this is rude to women who are afraid to be. But I don’t think you’re really afraid to be them. I think you are afraid to see how they are seen, including what you see in some way. If some of you have subscribed to a system that blames them, you’re afraid of how it feels to live in a wrinkled, softer body.

The good news is that it is possible to retrain what you think is beautiful. I once had to hurry to earn a lot of kilos and my friends know this because I realized it might not be easy for women in the Instagram world. They worked together to strip the thinness and beauty. They showed me pictures of the shining smiles of the people who took the space. They pointed out that the passing woman’s breasts were low and drooping and moved, and each other loudly noticed that she looked well-shaped, feminine, free and enjoyable. They praised the parts of the body that I didn’t expect-the soft and intimate Aphrodite curve of the stomach above the pubis, the peak of the fold where the arms meet the chest under the singlet straps.

Over time, it literally changed my visual experience – I’m not experiencing as beautiful thinness as it is now. I don’t like it when I see the ribs. I like to feel the density between the chair and the sitting chair. The more you gain weight, the more beautiful you feel.

I think you may be able to do the same, especially with age. Lines can be evidence of your greatest smile etching, frowning you learned, and your changing and growing.

Remove the lean 20 year old on Instagram. Seriously, what are they teaching you? There is nothing you want or need to learn. Focus on your part that doesn’t diminish over time. Humor and wisdom are not like collagen. As you grow older, you will make more of them.

Also, keep in mind that the default view is neither natural nor necessary. The statues in the gallery prove that lean teens did not necessarily think they were the pinnacle of beauty. Seeing is intertwined with belief. Don’t let the boys and men in the conference room who want to take your money give you.


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