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How they stay together: what 68 long-term couples taught me about love | Relationships

“TaThere were times when I thought I might be approaching division, “says scholar David Christian. Writer Chardy Christian, his 50-year-old wife nods. “[But] We worked hard [splitting]”David says. “In fact, I don’t think we really meant to break up.”

Having a long-lasting relationship is something that many people crave. It’s a romantic ideal to get someone to accompany you over the countless ups and downs of your life. Research shows that building long-term relationships has tremendous benefits. Couples together are healthier, wealthier and happier, Have more sex and live longer than your solo companions.

Nevertheless, most romantic relationships collapse. Whether you’re Bill and Melinda or Kim and Kanye, having a long-lasting relationship seems to be one of the toughest challenges in life.

So how does anyone do that? What do you really need to have a long-lasting romance? For the past 18 months, I’ve done a lesser-known survey of these questions in my weekly columns. How to be togetherApproximately 70 couples with different ages, demographics and orientations participated. And about once a week, I’m invited to their home (usually through technology) and ask a lot of impatient questions.

Each couple has a fun story of falling in love. As a shy romantist, I loved the story of their cute encounters. He gave her a jacket How while they wait in the dark They flirted on the copier, How She entered his gelato shop The other side of the world – and the rest was history. Some I fell in love immediately, Taken by others Year and year Before dating. Few things are as magical as the beginning of a love story.

But I was more interested in what happened next: how they overcame frustration, frustration, and the inevitable crisis. Honorably, most couples were happy. I shared a secret.

Well, as the series came to an end, I tried to draw some conclusions from all those conversations. There were many variables. Some couples argued fiercely, some couples got angry. Some admit that their romance has diminished, while others still say they really like each other. Some opposed money, others opposed how to raise children. And strangely, I had many pets, usually dogs.

However, I noticed that there were some things that came up over and over again. And these are what I think will make a lasting relationship.

Common values

Whether it is a passionate belief in social justice Ron and Mary, The desire to explore the world together Mike and TrishOr simply determined to laugh in the face of adversity such as: Gary and Jane, Common values, shared worldviews are themes that repeat in almost every conversation I have with a lasting couple. And in many cases, they knew their value early on.

The art of compromise

Liz and Molie Come from a different culture, Michael and Alice From different generations and Paul and Lisa It’s as different as you can get. But what these three couples shared with many of the other couples I talked to was that they learned to compromise for each other.

A little grit

The most important thing that almost every couple talked about was commitment. It’s a common agreement to stick to it no matter what.Many couples including Sarah and Mark, John and Marjorie And Kevin and WarrenWe’ve gone through some of the biggest challenges of our lives together, but everyone involved knew that they would be there.

These conclusions are not particularly groundbreaking ( Anna Karenina PrincipleBut to me, they seem to be an important element of lasting love: sharing values, preparing to compromise on everything, and above all, a purely firm determination to be together.

There are other things I have learned. In a world full of doubt and fear, love is real. It’s simple, powerful, and beautiful to pretend to be everyday. And despite the many difficulties of life, it can continue.

Max Ehrmann wrote in his poem Desiderata, often quoted in 1927: Faced with all the dryness and disillusionment, it is a grassy perennial. “

How they stay together: what 68 long-term couples taught me about love | Relationships Source link How they stay together: what 68 long-term couples taught me about love | Relationships

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